All of the major cable news networks abruptly suspended regular programming, (including the Children’s Cancer Telethon), in order to provide live coverage of a four-hour high speed car chase through Texas. Allegedly, two hippies drove off in a Toyota Prius without paying for gas in Dallas, and promptly realized they were being pursued by the majority of the DFW Metroplex’s law enforcement resources.
Expert commentators from around the US weighed in on the nuances of police strategy in these dangerous situations. One automotive expert pointed out that the Prius had a range of over 600 miles on a single tank of gas, and the driver clearly planned to use every drop of fuel before surrendering.
The tantalizing coverage of the car traveling from city to city followed by a sea of police and DPS cruisers reached speeds of 53 mph. Sheriff Welch was notified by CNN producers that the car appeared to be headed on a path that would take it directly through LaCucaracha during rush hour. The producers wanted to ensure that all available cruisers be stationed along the route for cinematic purposes.
Sheriff Welch and Deputy Rodriguez were both predisposed certifying vehicles at the Fairgrounds for the upcoming demolition derby. Welch said, “This kind of nonsense will not be tolerated in LaCucaracha, and there is no way the Sheriff’s Department’s two new squad cars are going to put in harm’s way because a couple of hippies stole some gas.”
Sheriff Welch promptly deputized each of the demolition derby contestants and dispatched them behind the tree line on Billy Jacob’s ranch along CR102. As the Prius rounded the corner, a large 4-wheel drive dually pickup truck with longhorns on the hood forced the surprised drivers off the road and into the field. At this point, the roar of the demolition derby contestants cars thundered through the pasture, and the impromptu event commenced.
The entire town was aware of the plan within a few moments of its conception and showed up at the pasture. All businesses besides Eddie’s Wrecker Service closed early, and LISD bused children to the Jacob’s ranch to watch the festivities.
The weight from the batteries appeared to give the Prius a fighting chance, but the body quickly collapsed after colliding with the steel-bodied American-made derby cars from the 1970s. Sheriff Welch offered to give the two hippies 15 minutes to try to get their vehicle started again for a second round, but the two sprinted through the field and jumped in the backseat of a DPS cruiser.
Several cable news stations contacted Sheriff Welch about the plausibility of routing all future Texas high speed chases through LaCucaracha.
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