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Professional Broad Jump League Impressed With Many At NFL Combine

Former Armadillo and Houston Cougar, Jordan Hammersmith, participated in the recent NFL combine and has impressed many teams – in the professional National Broad Jump League (NBJL). 

“I wasn’t even aware there was a professional broad jump league,” said Hammersmith.  “Nor was I aware there was a professional National Vertical Leap League (NVLL) or a professional How Many Times Can You Bench Press 225 Pounds League (HMTCYBP225PL).  But I guess that’s why they have you do all those drills that, quite frankly, have very little to do with how well y...

Jimmy Buffet Serenades Concert Goers With Criticism Of Corporate Risk Management While Warren Buffet Heads To Margaritaville

Houston, TX

In what many observers are calling an incident that could only be described as “Freaky Friday,” Warren and Jimmy Buffet apparently switched places last Friday – much to the chagrin of concert goers and those looking for advice on personal finances and investments.

The switch apparently took place before Jimmy Buffet was to play a sold out concert at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion in The Woodlands, Texas.  Buffet (Jimmy) came on stage wearing a suit and tie and instead of launching into one of his hit songs such as “Cheeseburger i...

Political Analyst Finally Puts Finger On Why Farouk Shami Will Have A Hard Time Getting Elected Governor Of Texas

Austin, TX

Political analyst, Jason Wausau, can usually spot a road block to a candidacy very quickly.  It’s his profession, after all.  But when Farouk Shami announced he was running for Governor of Texas in the Democratic primary, Wausau was stumped.  “Something immediately jumped out,” said Wausau, “but I couldn’t put a finger on what that ‘something’ was.  It was clear that I’d have to dig a little deeper.”

And dig Wausau did.  “I started to research this man’s life.  Shami is an inventor, an entrepreneur, a very successful businessman, a hum...

Local Girl Scout Troop Outsources Cookie Sales to China

LaCucaracha’s Girl Scout Troop 865 sold a record setting 125,000 boxes of cookies this year. The Texas Cockroach tracked down Alice Browne, Troop Leader, and busy mother of three girls for an exclusive interview.

TCR: What does Girl Scouts mean for you and your daughters as a mother?

Alice: It’s such a learning and growing experience for young girls. It teaches them life skills like direct selling, maintaining a product mix, telemarketing to relatives, producing under the pressure of quotas and handling rejection. My girls have mastered the art of ...

LISD Parent Teacher Association Meeting Minutes

The meeting was called to order with opening remarks from President Susan Kaminski thanking everyone who participated in the bake sale funding a summer TAKS Test Bubble Bonanza program to keep school children’s skills sharp next summer. The camp will focus on creative activities to teach children how to accurately bubble in answers with a number two pencil on the state mandated test.

In the first item of business, Martha Ray made a motion to expand the car line at the middle school to eight lanes. Treasurer Lori Michaels pointed out that this proj...

Palin Backs Out Of Tea Party Over Appearance Fee Flap

San Antonio, TX

When Sarah Palin rsvp’d in the affirmative to five year old Katie Hinson’s tea party, Katie thought it was Christmas morning and her birthday all wrapped into one.  “Well,” said Katie’s mother, Corrine, “Katie happened to be with us when we were watching the news one evening.  Anyway, the story about Sarah Palin accepting an invite to speak at the Tea Party convention caught her attention.  She was planning to have a few friends over for a tea party and asked if she could invite Mrs. Palin.  I told her to go ahead.  I figured, it...

GM’s Substandard Market Niche Threatened by Toyota

Chevy Thomas, owner of Chevy’s Chevys Lone Star Autoworld, the local GM dealership, spoke at the LaCucaracha Optimists Club luncheon today. Thomas revealed a pessimistic outlook on the domestic auto industry now that Toyota is threatening its market niche. “We have dominated the substandard vehicle market for years, and now Toyota is cleverly trying to move into this market,” said Thomas. “We owned that segment, but now we’re facing stiff competition from a relentless competitor.”

Chevy explained that the average middle class American expects hi...

Bin Laden Accidentally Sends Mix Tape To Al-Jazeera

In an apparent shipping mishap, Osama bin Laden sent a mix tape intended for LaCucaracha head cheerleader, Tiffany O’Keefe, to the Al-Jazeera network for worldwide broadcast instead.  In a note attached to the chromium dioxide (CrO2) Maxell XLIIS cassette tape, bin Laden explained that he became smitten with the Armadillos senior after seeing her image on a CNN report about fundraising for the victims of the recent Haiti earthquake.  As all LaCucaracha residents know, O’Keefe was featured in the CNN report for her efforts on behalf of her churc...