Dear Editor,

It’s inevitable. In offices around the world, there’s always that special someone: the man or woman who ruins office parties for everyone else. Typically, it’s a man; women ruin a lot in the workplace—fun, jokes, atmosphere, basically everything, but parties are generally the exception. Women also tend to ruin things outside the office like Monte Python, naps and anything pertaining to Kate Hudson, but I digress.

Last week, CT Scan, an internet startup specializing in products that let owners safely photocopy their cats, hosted a ‘Till Next Time Party’ for me, as I am leaving the company to start a band in Seattle.

I was mid-speech when I heard an altercation take place. I was explaining to everyone that it’s not goodbye, it’s ‘See ya later’ and next thing I know, Devaughn is shouting about the pizza. Turns out, my co-worker, Devaughn Bryant, had witnessed office party-pooper Craig Futrell splitting apart slices of communal pizza in an effort to reach large pieces that weren’t touching. Devaughn confronted Craig and a shouting match ensued.