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Sep 06th
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-LaCucaracha's Only News Source Since 8000BC-(Give or Take a Millennium)
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Argument Over Chicago Album Titles Turns Violent

Argument Over Chicago Album Titles Turns Violent

A seemingly innocuous argument about the best album title in the Chicago discography turned violent Wednesday night.  LaCucaracha resident, Scott Gray, had invited friends over to watch an Astros baseball game when, for reasons unexplained, the conversation turned to album titles by the rock, jazz fusion and soft rock blending band, Chicago.  Gray was adamant that Chicago VIII was clearly their best album title, but Gray’s best friend, Daryl Drake, insisted it was Chicago 19.  The rest of Gray’s guests were evenly divided along the Roman numeral versus regular number line, although it was clear Chicago V, Chicago VII, Chicago 16 and Chicago 17 were not favored by anyone. 

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Town’s Collective Boredom Satiated by Cattle Trailer Accident

Town’s Collective Boredom Satiated by Cattle Trailer Accident

With downtown LaCucaracha’s morale at an all time low, the Texas Department of Transportation was forced to create an accident on the town square to alleviate the oppress...

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E-Gets iPhone App Causes Widget Plant Closure

E-Gets iPhone App Causes Widget Plant Closure

New LaCucaracha resident, Ted Palmer, landed in LaCucaracha after losing his job at the Generic Manufactories plant in Fort Stockton.  Palmer remains bitter about the lay...

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Retirement Scheme Backfires On Local Patriarch

Retirement Scheme Backfires On Local Patriarch

Characterizing his idea at the time as “brilliant,” local father, Bill Sumner, 60, now admits his scheme has failed miserably.

Although Sumner was initially hesitant to ad...

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Young Bassist/Vocalist Emulating All The Wrong Musicians

Young Bassist/Vocalist Emulating All The Wrong Musicians

When Glenn Copeland’s son, Garth, joined the children’s choir at Saint Tom Landry Catholic Church last year he was ecstatic.  “Garth has a great voice and we’ve known it ...

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For First Time Since 1989, Caulk Joke Uttered Inadvertently

For First Time Since 1989, Caulk Joke Uttered Inadvertently

Anyone who has ever worked construction, dabbled in carpentry or painted houses for a living knows that once a caulk gun is produced, bad puns and jokes are sure to follo...

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7 Year Old Not Into Poop, Pee or Toots Ostracized By Classmates

 7 Year Old Not Into Poop, Pee or Toots Ostracized By Classmates

Sitting alone in the corner of the cafeteria, Jackson Dillon, 7, appears to be persona non grata among his summer day care peers at LaCucaracha Elementary School.  Accord...

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Local Teen Believes He Can Hook Up With Lindsay Lohan

Local Teen Believes He Can Hook Up With Lindsay Lohan

According to information provided by his best friend, Steve Lessman, Jim Bracket believes it is entirely possible that he may be able to hook up with celebrity train wrec...

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Calf Scramble Pari-mutuel Betting Ring Exposed

It all started simply enough: Roy Headstetter turned to Jim Bangs and said, “Ten bucks says the Zimmerman kid wins the calf scramble.”  Bangs replied, “You’re on.”  This ...

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Around LaCucaracha

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Just Headlines

 

Listener Disagrees With DJ's Assertion That He's Going To Enjoy The Loggins & Messina Coming Up

 

First Armadillos Two-A-Day Practice Draws 75,000 to Jackie Sherrill Stadium

 

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Joe Barton Apologizes To Bin Laden For Making Him Hide In A Cave

 

All Squeaking Mysteriously Stops Along Gulf Coast

 

BP Oil Spill Expected to Reach Amarillo by Morning

 

Scouts Repeal Controversial "Don't Scratch, Don't Smell" Policy

 

Eighth Grader Declares Magna Carta 'Not All That'

 

Eula McMurtry Has Pleasant, Twenty Minute Conversation With Person Who Dialed Wrong Number

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