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Friend’s Visit Cancellation Kills Couple’s Motivation To Clean House

Friend’s Visit Cancellation Kills Couple’s Motivation To Clean House

Local couple, Ted and Susan Hawkes, lost all motivation to clean their house when their friends, the Mendels, from San Antonio had to cancel their LaCucaracha weekend plans due to an illness in the family.

The Hawkes had been putting off house cleaning for several weeks because of the impending visit. “We knew,” said Mrs. Hawkes, “that we’d have to clean right before the Mendels came so there really was no point cleaning the house before then. I mean, who wants to clean the house two or three times, right?”

The house needed cleaning at least four weeks before the big weekend with the Mendels, but the Hawkes were out of town on two of those weekends and had no plans for the other two, so they felt no urgent  need to have a clean house.

“Yeah,” explained Mr. Hawkes, “it got to where you couldn’t go barefoot in the house without all manner of crap sticking to your feet. Every time I’d think about cleaning, like when I’d see the scum on the shower floor, for instance, I’d say to myself, ‘I’ll just clean it the day before the Mendels get here.’”

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Local Man Has No Answer For Why He Was In Shower So Long

Local Man Has No Answer For Why He Was In Shower So Long

LaCucaracha native, Jim Swarthing, spent upwards of 45 minutes in the shower this morning, but when asked by his wife “what he was doing in there” Swarthing could only mu...

Homeless Man’s Death Shows Lack Of Panhandler Innovation Over Last 30 Years

Homeless Man’s Death Shows Lack Of Panhandler Innovation Over Last 30 Years

LaCucaracha native, Lester Gordon, was found dead in an alley in Chicago two weeks ago. Gordon died from exposure, but because he had no personal ID on his person his ide...

New Tattooed Resident May As Well Start Killing People

New Tattooed Resident May As Well Start Killing People

Greg Robinson, new to LaCucaracha via Austin, has tattoos covering over 60% of his body. As anyone who has moved to LaCucaracha can attest, being new is enough to make yo...

Local Cat Would Totally Vote For Gary Johnson If Able

Local Cat Would Totally Vote For Gary Johnson If Able

Local house cat, Moose, recently revealed that he would “totally vote for Gary Johnson if I were able.”

Born free to a barn cat on County Road 102 between LaCucaracha and ...

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Divorcing Couple Assure Children It’s Totally Their Fault

Divorcing Couple Assure Children It’s Totally Their Fault

LaCucaracha couple, Dan and Susan Evans, filed for divorce after sixteen years of marriage, citing their two children as the sole reason for their impending split.

“Certai...

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Dr Pepper Destroys Local Celebrity’s Marriage

Dr Pepper Destroys Local Celebrity’s Marriage

Since 1885, the formula of soft drink Dr Pepper has remained a closely guarded secret, but 127 years later, it appears we’ve found one of the highly touted twenty-three f...

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How Does This 70-Year-Old Have A 30-Year-Old Body? Photoshop

How Does This 70-Year-Old Have A 30-Year-Old Body? Photoshop

According to several patrons of Margie Hansborough’s recent social gathering, the question posed by a Cenegenics television advertisement – “How does this 70-year-old hav...

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Locals Duped By City Slicker

Locals Duped By City Slicker

 

LaCucaracha residents were up in arms this past week following the revelation that local proprietor and fellow Texan, Garth Chesney, is actually a big, fat Italian guy f...

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