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Hallowed Ground McDonald’s Causes Controversy

Hallowed Ground McDonald’s Causes Controversy

Nine years ago this month, beloved LaCucaracha mayor, Ronald “Happy” Taylor, lost his life in a fierce battle with a Big Mac he purchased at the Sintown McDonald’s.  Mayor Taylor, or ‘Happy’, as he was known to everyone who ever shared a word or handshake with him, was returning to LaCucaracha from a Texas Municipal League meeting held in the state’s capitol.  Hungry, he stopped off at the McDonald’s drive thru for a quick bite to eat.  Normally, Happy would have gone for the McNuggets value meal since he was driving, and the nuggets were easier to eat while navigating CR 102.  But, since it was shy of six o’clock, he went for the Big Mac instead, and decided to wait until he got back to the courthouse before consuming the 100% all beef burger.
 
Happy parked at Main and Milam and began the short trek across Travis Street to return to work.  Eating while he walked, Happy suddenly began choking on a section of sesame seed bun that didn’t quite go down.  The trauma from the choking certainly didn’t help with the simultaneously occurring myocardial infarction.  The most popular and beloved mayor in the history of LaCucaracha lost his fight with the Big Mac just past six that evening.

The spot of Happy’s death is, of course, now marked by the memorial bronze commissioned by the city council shortly after his passing.  As interim mayor, Ted “Dizzy” Brandenberger, said at the statue’s dedication, “LaCucaracha will never be the same.  The lives of our citizens will never be the same.  But for Happy, we must persevere.  We must carry on.  And don’t forget to buy local.”

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Man Arrested for Violating Texas BBQ Purity Law of 1516

Man Arrested for Violating Texas BBQ Purity Law of 1516

A rabid opossum was terrorizing the courthouse square Thursday afternoon, as the Sheriff’s Department gave hot pursuit to euthanize the menace to society. Well meaning ci...

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LaCucaracha City Council Fails To Pass Local Immigration Laws

LaCucaracha City Council Fails To Pass Local Immigration Laws

Sparks flew and debate raged at last Tuesday’s City Council meeting.  Saying he drew inspiration from Arizona’s recent enactment of stringent immigration laws, Councilman...

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Robin Hood and Merry Men Detained by Sheriff’s Department

Robin Hood and Merry Men Detained by Sheriff’s Department

A group of Sherwood Forest Renaissance Faire performers stopped by the LaCucaracha Quickie Mart to purchase all 12 bags of Funyuns on the shelf. A member of the group lat...

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Jovial Carolers Transformed Into Angry Mob

Jovial Carolers Transformed Into Angry Mob

The LaCucaracha Sheriff’s Department responded to an incident at the Kleinman residence at 7:23 pm Christmas Eve. Hans Kleinman, son of Doris and Albert Kleinman, was vis...

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LaCucaracha Village Idiots and Cat Woman Narrowly Escape University of Texas Probe

LaCucaracha Village Idiots and Cat Woman Narrowly Escape University of Texas Probe

Psychology graduate students from the University of Texas have been observing and interviewing LaCucaracha citizens for the past six weeks studying unmonitored mental ill...

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Mayor Meyer Hires Aunt Muriel As ‘Dirt Digging’ Consultant

Mayor Meyer Hires Aunt Muriel As ‘Dirt Digging’ Consultant

Finally responding to mayoral candidate Kenny Langdale’s accusations and barbs from his speech announcing his candidacy, Mayor “Buddy” Meyer has hired TCR columnist, Aunt M...

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A Nightmare on the Kolinsky Farm

A Nightmare on the Kolinsky Farm

The Sheriff’s Office received several calls from concerned neighbors of the Kolinsky Farm Sunday afternoon. The Kolinsky’s son, James, and his family from Austin were fou...

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Candidate Blames Mayor Meyer For U.S. Economy, Iraq War and Limp Bizkit Reformation

Candidate Blames Mayor Meyer For U.S. Economy, Iraq War and Limp Bizkit Reformation

This past Wednesday Kenny Langdale threw his proverbial hat into the ring for the upcoming mayoral race.  During the announcement, Langdale also launched the first salvos...

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