A rabid opossum was terrorizing the courthouse square Thursday afternoon, as the Sheriff’s Department gave hot pursuit to euthanize the menace to society. Well meaning citizens joined in the hunt, tracking the animal to Horace Wiesenthal’s home on Crocket Street. The clever varmint tried to elude law enforcement and the growing throng of civilians by squeezing underneath the gate of Horace’s backyard.
The well-armed citizenry and skilled law enforcement personnel burst through Horace’s gate with the exuberance of an ATF bust. To everyone’s amazement, Horace Wiesenthal stood dumbfounded, clutching an Elgin sausage hot link wrapped in wheat bread, barbequing on a gas grill in his boxer shorts.
Horace never saw the opossum, but instead, faced a well-armed, angry mob storming his backyard. He clearly understood the implications of being caught violating the Texas BBQ Purity Law of 1516, which states that “All BBQ must be cooked over a fire heated by post oak, mesquite, pecan, hickory, or a mixture of the above named woods.” He also knew the law limited the sides to “potato salad, beans, onion and pickle or jalapeño slices and white bread (preferably Mrs. Baird’s or Wonder Bread).” The local ordinance is very flexible allowing a variety of menu options including brisket, sausage and ribs, but it also permits a range of beverages such as ice tea, Big Red, Dr. Pepper, Lone Star Beer and Shiner Bock.
