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-LaCucaracha's Only News Source Since 8000BC-(Give or Take a Millennium)
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Armadillos Football

Professional Broad Jump League Impressed With Many At NFL Combine

Former Armadillo and Houston Cougar, Jordan Hammersmith, participated in the recent NFL combine and has impressed many teams – in the professional National Broad Jump League (NBJL). 

“I wasn’t even aware there was a professional broad jump league,” said Hammersmith.  “Nor was I aware there was a professional National Vertical Leap League (NVLL) or a professional How Many Times Can You Bench Press 225 Pounds League (HMTCYBP225PL).  But I guess that’s why they have you do all those drills that, quite frankly, have very little to do with how well you can play football.”

Hammersmith also found it odd that when testing for his speed, NFL scouts and combine officials had him run the 40 yard dash without pads on.  “I thought,” said Hammersmith, “that maybe they changed the rules in the NFL.  Maybe there are no more pads and helmets.  But no.  That’s just how they test you.  Kinda stupid when you think about it.”

Hammersmith also noted the stupidity of measuring the 40 times down to the hundredth of a second.  His 4.61, for instance, was dubbed mediocre while someone who ran 4.59 was given the highest grade possible for their respective position.  “I mean,” questioned Hammersmith, “isn’t the blink of an eye, like, a tenth of a second?”

Despite his misgivings, though, Hammersmith is glad he participated in the combine.  And, since he didn’t impress NFL scouts with his abilities to  run around traffic cones or jump really high to touch a rope, he’s also glad the NBJL was there.  “Yeah, I guess it’s a good thing my coach told me to work on my broad jump after the season.  At first I thought, wait, I’ve never broad jumped in a game before but it turns out he really knew what he was talking about."

 

State Of The Art Isolation Booth/Electrical Closet Lures Mike Leach To Armadillos

State Of The Art Isolation Booth/Electrical Closet Lures Mike Leach To Armadillos

Sources have confirmed that former Texas Tech head coach, Mike Leach, has interviewed, and been offered, the vacant offensive coordinator position for the Armadillos.

Anon...

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Armadillo’s QB Reads Book In Pocket

Armadillo’s QB Reads Book In Pocket

During Friday’s playoff victory for the Armadillo’s, starting quarterback, Luke “Sky” Walker, had so much time in the pocket to look for a receiver he decided to read a b...

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Offensive Coordinator Alexander Fired During 2nd Quarter of Sintown Game

Offensive Coordinator Alexander Fired During 2nd Quarter of Sintown Game

For a refresher on how Coach Alexander made his way to LaCucaracha and found himself as the Armadillos offensive coordinator please see the TCR special investigative repo...

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State Championship Hopes Nearly Crushed by Mischievous Football Players

State Championship Hopes Nearly Crushed by Mischievous Football Players

Sherriff Welch had tears in his eyes when he picked up three starting seniors from the Armadillos football team to bring them in for questioning. A hush fell over the hig...

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