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Home Local LaCucaracha News Divorcing Couple Assure Children It’s Totally Their Fault

Divorcing Couple Assure Children It’s Totally Their Fault

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DivorceLaCucaracha couple, Dan and Susan Evans, filed for divorce after sixteen years of marriage, citing their two children as the sole reason for their impending split.

“Certainly,” said Mr. Evans, “if it weren’t for the kids, we’d stay together. It’s totally their fault.”

“It’s true,” confirmed Mrs. Evans, “those kids caused this divorce. Bottom line: they are solely responsible.”

Through uncontrollable sobbing and incoherent blubbering, Toby, 11, and his sister, Megan, 6, tried to convey their shock and dismay at the news of their parents separation. “They sat us down,” sobbed Toby, “and told us they had some bad news. They said they were not going to be together anymore and when we asked why, they said it was all because of me and my sister.”

Mr. Evans confirmed Toby’s story saying that they had a policy of complete honesty within the family. “We didn’t want to lie to them,” Said Mr. Evans, “just to ease the emotional upheaval. We just told them that, to be honest, we can’t take living with the two of them anymore. They drive us crazy and they’ve inserted a wedge in our relationship that cannot be overcome.”

Custody of Toby and Megan has not been settled. “I see a long, drawn out battle there,” said Mrs. Evans. “It will be interesting to see which of us proves to be the more unfit parent – I know I’ll pull out all the stops. I suppose, if worst comes to worst, we’ll each get one. I just don’t want both because they’re quite a handful together.”

“Who knows,” said Mr. Evans, “maybe we’ll both be found to be unfit parents and they can live with one of the grandparents. Then, maybe, Susan and I can get back together without those kids in the way.”

 

Photo courtesy of Jennifer Pahlka

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