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Home Local LaCucaracha News Dr Pepper Destroys Local Celebrity’s Marriage

Dr Pepper Destroys Local Celebrity’s Marriage

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Dr PepperSince 1885, the formula of soft drink Dr Pepper has remained a closely guarded secret, but 127 years later, it appears we’ve found one of the highly touted twenty-three flavors: home-wreckage. And it tastes like shit.

Jeff Law, the semi-famous owner of Law’s Taqueria, who’s known for shouting, “I am the Law!” at town functions, has filed for divorce from his wife of less than a year, Midge, citing irreconcilable differences. The couple had recently been seeing a marriage counselor, but ultimately decided to part ways. The Tex Mex Giant, as he’s dubbed himself, attributed the failed relationship to Midge’s Arkansas upbringing, blaming it for her lack of appreciation of Texas juggernaut Dr Pepper. “She just didn’t get it,” Law said. “And as my daddy said, if you don’t like Dr Pepper, move to California, you Liberal sumbitch.” He admitted he was aware of her disdain for the Doctor prior to exchanging vows, but felt over time he could adjust her palette accordingly. “I needed to plant the seeds, so I took her up to Waco for our honeymoon,” he recalled before trailing off. Law then grew quiet, seemingly unable to wrap his head around the events. Finally, after nearly thirty minutes of silence, a teary-eyed Law told us, “She didn’t even know that’s where it was invented. Christ, she thought it was only the home of that dadgum cult. Only the home of that dadgum cult,” he repeated for dramatic effect, successfully.

But the nightmarish honeymoon was only the beginning. That same week, Law told his then-wife to add Dr Pepper to the grocery list, and was stunned at what he later found: Midge had placed a period after “Dr”. Law flew into a rage. “I saw red, like Big Red, which is also delicious,” he affirmed. According to police reports, Law trashed his house and then barricaded himself inside. LaCucaracha authorities, Deputy Pine and Deputy Rodriguez, arrived on the scene, and Sheriff Welch later diffused the situation by striking up a conversation with Law about Texas A&M’s recent move to the SEC. The two men then went out for beers.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Law said he learned a valuable lesson from the ordeal: true love loves Dr Pepper. Asked if the divorce has anything to do with an alleged affair with a waitress at his restaurant, Law then bellowed, “I am the Law!”

 

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