The LaCucaracha City Council unanimously passed a resolution last night demanding proof of “Texan Status” for Hank Hill of the popular television series, King of the Hill. Council Member, Brad Wilson, stated “Something just doesn’t smell right. Hank Hill appears to be a God fearing Texan who knows his football and his way around a riding lawn mower, but one detail just doesn’t add up. He not only cooks with propane, he’s an outspoken advocate for propane and propane accessories. The man has made a career out of it, for God sakes.”
Mayor “Buddy” Meyer pointed out that it is a Class A Misdemeanor in LaCucaracha to even refer to an outdoor gas cooking appliance as a “grill,” or “BBQ pit.” Furthermore, citizens are prohibited from referring to cooking on an outdoor gas appliance as “grilling,” or “barbequing.”
It wasn’t until 1986 that charcoal was first adopted by local progressives, but the usage is still frowned upon by old timers. Post oak and mesquite are still the safest bets for anyone grilling who might invite over guests beyond immediate family members. “Charcoal is still a gray area in the municipal code when hosting a BBQ,” said Deputy Rodriguez.
The Municipal Code also defines a BBQ Pit as “a wood fire metal cooking apparatus containing multiple chambers and cooking levels that is of sufficient weight to require at least a half-ton truck and trailer to pull it to the site of the BBQ.” Permanent wood fire ground pits are exempt from the towing restriction.
“We just can’t accept that a native Texan could go around preaching about the benefits of propane, even if it’s his livelihood. He should be ashamed of himself, or at least he could just stick to promoting propane as a rural heating solution. But no, he cooks his steaks on what he calls a ‘propane grill,’ right out in the open, on a Saturday afternoon in front of his friends and neighbors!” said Councilman Wilson.
Texas Cockroach Publisher, Larry Appleby, who was covering the meeting for the local media spoke up and asked if the Council realized “Hank Hill is a fictional, animated character?” Council Members muttered dismissive unintelligible responses under their breath about the liberal media, and then the resolution was passed unanimously. Mayor Meyer decreed that a formal request will be sent by certified mail to Mike Judge demanding proof of Hank Hill’s Texas birth certificate and lifetime Texas residency, as soon as the city’s Pitney Bowes postage machine is repaired.
Editor's Note: If Mike Judge is reading this, we're big fans, and would love to turn LaCucaracha into an animated series.
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