The Washington think tank, The Center of Foreign Affairs and Geographical Shifts has identified a unique trend in American’s knowledge of international affairs and world geography. During an exhaustive 24-year study, they have released a 1200 page report. The most significant conclusion is that most Americans exclusively gain 90 percent of their information about world affairs and geographical shifts from Bob Costas, every four years during the Olympics. The majority of this information is obtained during the opening ceremonies, after which most of the study’s participants lose interest, unless a really cute teen with a heartwarming story wins a medal.
The other significant spikes in interest in geographical shifts coincide with events where the US bombs foreign countries, displaying the latest high tech weapons.
Apparently, Bob Costas’ commentary on geography and world events relating to Olympic teams often creates more questions than it answers. Certain trends have emerged during the London Games, including these questions that consistently were raised by study participants during a focus group:
“Who is Stan, and why are so many countries named after him? Oh, and what happened to the USSR? If I remember, they used to be pretty good. ”
“How is there an Arab Spring, when it’s the Summer Olympics?”
“I’ve never even heard of that country!”
“When does Apolo Ohno come on? I saw him on a Subway commercial.”
“I’ve never heard of that sport! Why isn’t there real football in the Olympics?”
“What does Abraham Lincoln have to do with England?”
“Look at those funny hats!”
“I thought we bombed that country out of existence?
“Why are we paying these NBA players millions, if they’re going to be traitors and play for some third-rate country we rescued them from?”
“What’s a Euro? Oh, I think, it’s the piss-ant green hippy car my neighbor drives. I told my wife that thing was going to be nothing but trouble.”
“Why aren’t the sand volleyball women wearing those sexy outfits this year?”
The study also identified a sharp division among Americans over who is smarter: Bob Costas or Alex Trebek? However, 94 percent of Americans said they would vote for a Costas / Trebek presidential ticket (or vice versa).