Unless your office is a UFC octagon, think twice the next time you’re about to wantonly blame an innocent co-worker. Doug Magill, a customer support specialist at a faceless auto insurance company (Editor’s note: you know the one, over on Church Street, beige with cream trim), had to be restrained by local law enforcement yesterday morning after a verbal dispute led to a physical altercation with a colleague, Chad Jarret—an outspoken critic of Magill’s and ardent supporter of the movie Tropic Thunder.
According to a report filed by Deputy Pine, at approximately 10 a.m., Jarret approached Magill’s cubicle and stated, “It’s all Doug’s fault,” then flashed a shit-eating grin and scanned the room for the approval of nearby witnesses. Magill confronted his antagonizer, advising him to, “Take it back.” The mild-mannered office drone insisted this wasn’t the first time Jarret unfairly accused him, but rather it was part of an ongoing smear campaign orchestrated by the latter.
“Everyday, all the time, Chad’s always going, ‘It’s all Doug’s fault’. I didn’t do anything wrong—I don’t even know what he’s talking about most of the time!” says Magill. “I was at the end of my goddamn rope, man.”
No word yet on whether or not Jarret will press charges against Magill, although it appears likely since he’ll no doubt be terminated by his employer. Pressed for comment, outside the LaCucaracha Sheriff’s Department yesterday evening, Magill remained mum, while Jarret only offered that it had been, “Another day in paradise, brotha.”