In a revelation that shocked the entertainment world, Dr. Dre announced yesterday that Tupac Shakur never existed in the first place. Dre, at a press conference held in Los Angeles, revealed that the hologram used at the Coachella music festival has been the “real” Tupac all along.
“Tupac Shakur,” explained Dre, “was a figment of my imagination. When I was getting my Ph.D. in psychology at Carnegie Mellon – yes, I’m a real doctor – it struck me how easily people could be manipulated, particularly middle-class to moderately wealthy white boys.”
Dre recounted how he sketched out the entire Tupac oeuvre – right down to his “death” in 1996 – as a large scale experiment on the effects of celebrity, how a young artist taken down in his prime enhances said artist’s cultural influence, the rise of sycophants in such an instance and to show the avarice and greed of record companies once they have a dead star on their hands. The Tupac hologram performance at Coachella was the culmination of the decades old project. When asked why he kept the hologram under wraps for so long, Dre explained that Tupac has been with him all along. “He rides with me in my Bentley every day,” said Dre, “so I can use the carpool lane.”
The hologram was designed by former LaCucaracha Armadillo and Rice University graduate, Alex Wegmire, who befriended Dre when they worked on a post doctoral project concerning the Princess Leia hologram from Star Wars.
“Dre had this great idea for the story of a mythical hip-hop artist,” explained Wegmire, “who could create an opening into the conscious minds of music consumers, but he didn’t have the technical or scientific background to make it a reality. That’s where I came in.”
Wegmire first created the hologram known as Anna Nicole Smith, for Dre colleague, Snoop Dogg, as a test. “Yeah,” said Dogg, between blunts, “I had a stripper pole in my living room and Alex tested out the hologram thing with this super fine chick he called Anna Nicole Smith. It was fo shizzle.” Dogg was quick to point out that this was the Playboy/Guess jeans version of Anna Nicole Smith that was in his house.
“The crazy thing with Alex,” continued Dogg, “was that he had the Anna Nicole hologram marry a dude! When that billionaire died, you know who got the cash? Snoop, baby. Damn straight.”
Pleased with the Anna Nicole Smith hologram results, Wegmire and Dre then presented Tupac to the world. The success of the venture are obvious: millions of rap fans, movie goers, record executives, concert promoters, law enforcement and even Suge Knight, were completely fooled by the incredibly realistic hologram.
It makes one wonder, who else among us is really just a hologram?