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Home Local LaCucaracha News Merchant of Death Purchases Little Girl’s Goat

Merchant of Death Purchases Little Girl’s Goat

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Editor’s Note: We’re happy to welcome Lisa Gillespie back to the Texas Cockroach fold. Lisa has been covering LaCucaracha’s livestock shows, fairs and rodeos for over five years now. She made it back from her recent leave of absence, following her acrimonious divorce from Steve, just in time to cover the 264th annual LaCucaracha Stock Show that occurred last week. Here’s her report.

I watched little Kathy McGee hug her prize winning goat, Stewy, and then watched her shed tears as Stewy was taken away. She should have named him “Cabrito.” Such is the learning curve at the annual LaCucaracha Stock Show.

Ultimately, I believe the most important aspect of the livestock show lies in its ability to teach children life lessons. The lessons you learn preparing an animal for the show ring are just as important as the lessons you learn when, during elementary school, you gut and field dress your first kill. As for me, I was lucky. I learned about the food chain and to not get attached to your show animals before I ever actually started showing them. See, when I was about five, my daddy did some bartering and came home with a batch of rabbit meat for his end of the bargain. I had two pet rabbits at the time, and the thought of eating Snowball and Snowflake upset me a great deal. Well, Momma talked to me about it and actually got me to sit down for a dinner of fried rabbit. Just as I got comfortable though, my evil older brother nabbed a chunk of meat and as he brought it to his mouth, in extra slow motion, he started singing, “Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail…” I learned two things after that incident: 1) We’re the top of the food chain for a reason and 2) My mother had a wicked backhand.

So, while I sympathize with little Kathy McGee, it’s good that she get this lesson now rather than later. Because it never fails, someone – someone exactly like that husband stealing 19-year old whore from the Sintown Shell station most likely – will come along and take your fist love and butcher it. And eat it.


In the steer division, Bobby Scanlon raised this year’s grand champion steer that fetched an impressive $13,500. It looked to me like Bobby really cared for his steer. I hope he didn’t get too attached to it though. Then again, having something you spent countless hours caring for, feeding, grooming and just plain nurturing, taken away from you in the blink of an eye, prepares you for that day when someone will rip your heart out and ‘dosey doe’ on it like a dead fair animal.

The top earning goat from the sales ring garnered $2,200 this year. That’s probably more than I’ll get from the divorce, so I hope whoever raised that goat learned an important lesson about money – it doesn’t last long. Steve liked to spend our money on practical things like pictures with Santa while holding his rifle. Or beef jerky. I wonder how much jerky he bought at that stupid Shell station while he was wooing the aforementioned whore. God, only a nineteen year old could fall for lines from a guy buying beef jerky, a rifle-shaped lighter and Natural Light beer. I almost feel sorry for her.

The champion lamb was shown by Brenda Easton. I hope Brenda took note of everyone oohing and aahhing as her lamb entered the ring. Yes, everyone wants you when you’re young and beautiful like that. So, much like her champion lamb did, Brenda needs to take advantage of her youth and looks while she can, because soon enough, your looks have flown and your bastard husband is hooking up with counter girls at gas stations.

Animals sold, money raised and lessons learned. That’s the stock show, folks!

 

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