This is a follow-up story to last week’s breaking news about Texas A&M joining the wrong SEC. The original story can be found here.
Learning a new offense is one thing, but learning the intricacies of transactional and compliance documents is another matter all together. Texas A&M football players are learning this the hard way, in addition to learning it on the fly.
“I remember” said starting quarterback, Ryan Tannehill, “going from the spread option to a more traditional pro set offense, but that was nothing like learning when to file a Schedule 13D versus a Schedule 13G. I mean, I get that when a party’s ownership of stock in a company surpasses 5% you have to file a 13G, but I can never remember when you have to go to a 13D.”
“For a 13G it has to be clear that the party acquiring the stake in the company is only a passive investor,” chimed in running back, Cyrus Gray. “Oh, and if it exceeds 20% then it’s definitely a 13D.”
Aggie coaches on both sides of the ball have been scrambling to come up with new schemes to implement the drastic changes. According to defensive coordinator, Tim DeRuyter, “It’s been tough on the kids and the coaches. Lots to digest. I can tell you everything you need to know about going from the 3-4 to the 4-3 or Cover 2 versus Tampa 2 coverage, but do I have to file an 8-K when someone goes on the injured list? I would think that counts as an unscheduled event that shareholders would find important. Right?”
Head coach Mike Sherman remains resolute. “We’re going to make this work. We have to. This is where we are now so we have to maintain that same attitude and just apply it in a different way. Instead of going after the quarterback, for instance, we have to get after the guy who had to file a 12b-25 because he couldn’t get his 10-Q in on time. Or maybe the 12b-25 is evidence of a systemic problem with the company. I don’t know. All I know is that our front seven have got to GET AFTER THAT GUY!”
Also causing problems is which filings should be handled by each respective area of the team: offense, defense and special teams. “S-1s and S-4s are pretty easy,” said Sherman. “Those definitely belong to the offensive side of the ball. And I guess 10-Qs and 10-Ks should go to the defense. A Form 11-K? Special teams, I guess.”
The biggest mystery so far has been the mysterious EDGAR everyone keeps hearing about. “Everyone keeps talking about this EDGAR dude,” said Gray, “but no one has seen him. He seems omnipresent and we just can’t seem to tackle him or score on him. He probably had something to do with the Longhorn Network. But we won’t give up. The Twelfth Man will keep us going.”