Citing “places to go, people to see, and things to do,” God gave Gov. Rick Perry a rather terse “no” after Perry spoke at this weekend’s Christian rally, “The Response.”
Some 30,000 Christians gathered at Houston’s Reliant Stadium to pray for the economy, jobs and the country.
Gov. Perry had a brief meeting with God after he addressed the enthusiastic crowd. God, despite his angelic, yet booming voice, and his blinding radiance, looked a bit haggard as he briefly addressed the press corps before heading back to His Kingdom to address what he termed, “more pressing matters.”
In his brief statement, God chastised Americans for being so “whiney” about the last few years of national economic hardship. “For the vast majority of your 235 years on this earth,” said God, “you Americans have had it really good. But as soon as something goes a little awry, you want to move to the top of the prayer list. Well, quit being so myopic. There’s a lot of tragedy out there.”
God then mentioned the on-going famine in Somalia, the upheaval in the Middle East and “that crazy SOB in Norway” as items currently at the top of his list.
“Plus,” added God, “you people have got to get yourselves together. The divide in this country is making it really hard for me to answer prayers. I get prayers for rain, and then you tell me it rained in the wrong place. Weather patterns are not easy folks. And then, I have half of you praying to ‘just make that Bieber kid go away’, while the other half wants me to bring him to their home town for a private concert. Make up your minds!”
God’s final statement encouraged all Americans to look deeper into who is to blame for the economic downturn. “You brought all of this on yourselves,” said God, “and I cannot help you until you wise up. None of this is Bush’s fault or Obama’s fault. It’s not about Republicans and Democrats. I don’t want to give anything away here, but I’m going to throw out a couple of hints. Please, take a closer look at all those a-holes on Wall Street. I did not intend for you to use your brains to come up with mortgage backed securities and credit default swaps. All right, all right, I’ve said too much. I have to get going.”
God then implored everyone to seriously look into Goldman Sachs and implied that if we did, maybe we could skip a few places in line, past, say, Japan’s tsunami victims, on the prayer list.