In an exclusive TCR interview, Osama Bin Laden’s widow, Amal Ahmed Abdul Fatah, revealed how horrified she was when the Navy Seals arrived at their Pakistan home. Ironically, it wasn’t the weapons fire or stealth helicopters that frightened his young wife, but the idea of visitors arriving unannounced while her house was “such a mess.” Amal said she begged the Seals for a few minutes to straighten up her bedroom, “but they thought I was trying to protect Osama, and shot me in the leg – no hard feelings, though. I can see how my actions could have been misinterpreted.”
“Osama was such a slob,” she said. “He grew up in this wealthy family and never learned to pick up after himself. Then, he was living in Afghan caves where they just threw trash on the floor and peed off the side of a cliff. You would think he was raised in a barn.”
Amal said she “apologized profusely to Navy Seals about all the crap on the floor, but the news media went ahead and released video of her trashed house for the world to see. I was horrified! My mother won’t even return my calls now.” Amal explained she was duped by her husband with promises of a million dollar mansion near a golf course, “but the place was a total dump.” Once, I tried to apply for a home equity loan to at least put a coat of paint on the walls and buy some new rugs, but the loan officer at Bank of America asked if ‘this was some kind of sick joke?’ when I listed my husband’s name on the application. It was probably a waste of time even trying. For a trust fund baby, Osama had terrible credit.”
Amal said her frustration had reached a fevered pitch by the time the Seals arrived. “All Osama would do was sit on his butt watching recorded videos of himself on TV day and night. Honestly, I think he had the hots for that Brooke Baldwin on CNN. If I ever objected, he would rebuke me, and say not to disturb him while he was working. Yeah right.
The bum never took me anywhere for the last five years. He was too cheap to buy a satellite dish, so I was stuck at home watching the same DVDs over and over again. Viewing the Simpsons Season 14 boxed set, I would dream of being married to an open-minded, attentive husband like Homer. Marge is such a lucky woman. I guess I’ve always had bad luck with men. My sisters say I’m subconsciously attracted to deadbeats.”
When Amal learned about our upcoming exclusive interview with Muammar Gaddafi, she asked if we would pass along her phone number and newly created Match.com profile URL to the “Libyan bad boy.” Amal said, “Tell him I’m single again. I kind of have a thing for older guys.”