Shaun Johnson, a sophomore at McLennan Community College in Waco, has successfully conquered the entire civilized world with a simple legal maneuver. “My dad’s a lawyer, so I know all about that stuff from listening to him yak on the phone all the time about work,” said Shaun.
“Shaun just never realized his full potential – until now,” said his father Bill, “If he would have applied himself in high school, he could have gotten into a much better Jr. College, but I think he wanted to allow enough free time for gaming. I think gaming is a long-term lifestyle for Shaun, so it’s a good thing he acknowledges this, and allocates his time accordingly.”
The world conquest idea came from a strategy Shaun utilized to reclaim a copy of World of Warcraft that he reluctantly loaned to his buddy, Jason. “When Jason wouldn’t give me my game back, I was major ticked, so I had this idea. I took a free trial download of this hot new game, and edited the terms of service (TOS) box. I used some of my dad’s lawyer talk, and e-mailed it to Jason, disguised as a peace offering. He installed it, clicked the ‘I accept the terms of service’ box, and BAM, I had him. He had signed over the rights to use all of his video games to me, plus one night a week with his hot girlfriend, Jules.”
When Shaun sent a demand letter on his Dad’s letterhead, Jason had no choice legally, but to comply. “Dude, when I opened the door and saw Jason’s girlfriend standing there holding a box of video games, it was frickin’ awesome! Jules was cool with it, too, since Jason paid a lot more attention to her without his video games around.”
Shaun expanded the idea, and used his trust fund to buy a couple of I-Phone apps, a porn Web site, and a free recipe site –that was basically all it took to conquer the civilized world.
The first round of targets was the Texas legislature and Governor’s Office, which granted Shaun complete control to establish the Republic of Texas, and serve as ruler as long as he pleased. “After that, I used standard language to assign all assets to me, and pledge allegiance to the Republic of Texas, disavowing one’s own government. It’s amazing. Billions of people have clicked that check box, but no one has ever read it.”
Unlike other world conquerors, Shaun said he has no plans to change his lifestyle much beyond buying a pimped out ride with a big flat screen and game console in the back seat. For now, he plans to continue living in his parents’ basement.