Youth Pastor Paul, of the Texas Calvary Baptist Church, has mesmerized young people for years with his testimony of dramatic conversion. Pastor Paul’s testimony begins with salacious tales of hedonism in his youth and climaxes with an account of exiting an abortion clinic with one of his many conquests, and being saved by the message on a Pro-Life protester’s sign. His awe inspiring tale of transformation has led many young people in LaCucaracha to Jesus.
Pastor Paul joined Facebook last year to better stay in touch with the Texas Calvary youth group. He setup an account, and was delighted to receive friend requests from old high school acquaintances. Unfortunately, he failed to understand that when old friends posted photos he was tagged in, they automatically showed up in his photo albums, on his Facebook page.
Over time, Pastor Paul’s tagged photo album painted a picture much different than his testimony. There was no doubt it was him in the pictures in revealing situations such as receiving his Eagle Scout Award, a Students Against Drunk Drivers group photo, church camp counselor album, and feeding the needy on mission trips. The most incriminating was a group photo of him protesting at an abortion clinic holding the very sign he claimed had saved him. There was no denying Paul had led a pure Christian life since an early age.
When confronted, he confessed. “It happened when I was a freshman at Baylor. I had devoted my whole life to helping others, but when it came time to give my testimony, I had nothing. I was at this Bible study, and some pothead who found Jesus a month earlier was enthralling the group with his wild stories and dramatic conversion, and I could sense my date was getting so turned on by this guy. She left with the bum, and I never saw her again.”
Paul said he kept putting off giving his testimony each week, until he was the last one, and he was forced to testify. “I could tell I was putting everyone to sleep, but then I threw in a little white lie about coming home drunk one night, and everyone perked up. I just couldn’t help myself. I kept pouring it on about wild orgies, drugs, stealing cars, and the group was hypnotized. Everyone started hugging me, and inviting me to give my testimony at their church. It was awesome.”
The Elders of Texas Calvary said they had no choice but to fire Pastor Paul. “Yeah, he lied to us, but we forgive him for that,” said Tommy Jones, a Texas Calvary Elder. “It’s his pure background we can’t get around. What kid is going to listen to a guy who has no life changing testimony? We need a real hardcore ex-sinner for this job. I have to admit, I’m going to miss those stories. His testimony was like a good sorority slasher film where young co-eds start getting hot and heavy in a scene, and then the slasher comes out of the closet and carves them up. I’m really going to miss him.”