Arizona Governor, Jan Brewer, announced today that she plans to relocate the state of Arizona above portions of Montana and North Dakota on land previously occupied by Canadian wilderness. “We’re outraged that Arizona keeps being labeled as racist, so we’re moving and leaving all the Latinos here,” said Gov. Brewer.
When asked how she anticipated Washington would respond to the plan, Gov. Brewer said, “I don’t really care. Let the federal government deal with the hole in the map. This is a state’s rights issue. It’s time Utah and Nevada, each had their turn at being a border state.”
Gov. Brewer went on to say it just wasn’t fair that Arizona had to share a border with Mexico, when other states do not. “It’s outright discrimination against the state of Arizona to force us to deal with that country,” she said. “It’s not that we have a problem with foreigners, or we wouldn’t be willing to have a new border with Canada on three sides. The Canadians look like us, so no one can accuse our law enforcement of racial profiling when we harass them.”
Reaction from Canadians in Calgary and Winnipeg were mixed. “It would be good for business, eh, but I don’t know about all of “those people” living so close to us, eh?” said a local constable who wished to remain anonymous. “That lady governor of theirs, she keeps saying they’re leaving all the Latinos, but they’re not the ones we’re worried about, you know? It’s them gun carrying retirees with the blue hair that scare the bejeezers out of me.”
Gov. Brewer declined to explain how she planned to accomplish the engineering feat of carving out a state, rotating it sideways, and moving it approximately 1600 miles over land. “We have committed $3 million to conduct a study of the feasibility of a feasibility study to move forward, so I’m confident we’ll succeed.”