Austin, TX
Political analyst, Jason Wausau, can usually spot a road block to a candidacy very quickly. It’s his profession, after all. But when Farouk Shami announced he was running for Governor of Texas in the Democratic primary, Wausau was stumped. “Something immediately jumped out,” said Wausau, “but I couldn’t put a finger on what that ‘something’ was. It was clear that I’d have to dig a little deeper.”
And dig Wausau did. “I started to research this man’s life. Shami is an inventor, an entrepreneur, a very successful businessman, a humanitarian and an educator. He’s single handedly created some 2,000 jobs for Americans. The guy has literally lived the American dream. So, what is it about him that would hold him back in any way? What would the average, blue-collar worker in Lubbock or Tyler object to about this guy? What does he have to overcome to reach the mostly Christian, conservative masses of the mostly red state of Texas? I was really stumped. Then, on a whim, I checked out his Wikipedia page. And, all of the sudden it hit me: the guy graduated from Arkansas. I mean, come on, he’ll never get over that hump in Texas. Seriously.”
As he usually does, Wausau tried out his theory in an informal poll conducted mostly with random passersby, and some friends and acquaintances. “I even asked my old college roommate, who, to this day, is still totally high. And even stoned, he told me, ‘Dude, there’s no way a Razorback can govern the great state of Tejas. Did you like my Spanish there? At the end.’ Everyone agreed that overcoming his Arkansas college days will just be too big a hurdle to clear.”
Wausau also contacted one of Shami’s possible opponents in the upcoming election, Kinky Friedman, who said, “I think he wears that Razorback pig hat just to taunt me because I’m Jewish.”
Regardless of why Shami wears the pig hat, it’s clear from Wausau’s research that whether he ultimately faces a cheerleader from the University of Texas or a Yell Leader from Texas A&M, a Razorback doesn’t stand a chance in this race.
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