Sources have confirmed that former Texas Tech head coach, Mike Leach, has interviewed, and been offered, the vacant offensive coordinator position for the Armadillos.
Anonymous “recruiters” apparently sent Leach information on Coach Bryant’s state-of-the-art isolation booth and electric shock center for lazy players. Leach was impressed. His agent and lawyer sent out feelers to the LISD athletic department and a clandestine meeting was arranged.
Negotiations are on-going with only a couple of sticking points remaining:
· Leach is demanding that all whiners and wusses be cut from the team immediately
· Leach would like parents to “be seen and not heard” on a permanent basis
LISD administrators assured the Texas Cockroach that neither of these demands were deal breakers. An inside source did reveal, however, that Leach’s request to change the mascot to a Pirate was flatly denied.
In addition to an innovative offense featuring a handful of plays run from a multitude of formations, Leach has perfected the art of motivation through humiliation – especially during post-game news conferences where he has shown a keen ability to ridicule his players and “their fat little girlfriends” simultaneously. This reporter, for one, cannot wait for the first press conference following an Armadillos game – it just makes my job that much easier.
But while the addition of Leach may make press conferences more exciting, some in town are not completely sold on him. Said former Armadillo tight end, Jim Slade, “I don’t know if he’s tough enough. I mean, standing in a climate controlled electrical closet during practice, are you kidding? Is that the best he has? And it was for a concussion, too. Man, what’s that, a headache? Hell, our QB played an entire series with a broken arm. And that was in practice. In junior high. Honestly, Coach Leach sounds soft to me. I’m not sure he has what it takes to motivate our battle tested boys.”
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