The LISD School Board held an emergency session today to address a lawsuit filed by Ted McMurtry of Desoto, TX regarding the negligent education of their son, Teddy Jr., aka “T-Dog.” It all started when Ted and his wife Amber took a two month trip to China, leaving 17-year old T-Dog with his grandparents Fred and Eula McMurtry of LaCucaracha.
The unfortunate misunderstanding began when T-Dog arrived for his first day at LaCucaracha High, and administrators failed to identify him as Eula’s grandson, Teddy Jr., who had pre-registered by mail. “He just kind of appeared in class one day,” said Jenny Janecek, LHS Student Council President. “We all assumed he was a narc, but no one could understand him.”
T-Dog apparently speaks an urban dialect, prevalent among suburban white kids attempting to imitate inner city youth. Janecek provided the school board with “exhibit A,” a note from T-Dog that he slipped to her his first day of class. It read, “Wsuppp playa? U cool? Longtime mi nah com to the LC! Maybe c u toonite?” Janecek said she thought T-Dog was cute, but had no idea what he was saying. “Mrs. Watson asked him where his parents were, and after several failed attempts to answer, he finally pointed to a map of China on the wall. That’s when we all thought he must be an exchange student, so they sent him to Special Ed classes.”
LISD Administrators made repeated attempts to contact Ted and Eula about their “exchange student,” but their phone lines were down for three weeks due to the ice storm, and the phone company only has that one truck.
At one point, Michael Lester attempted to tell Principal Granger that he thought he heard someone speaking T-Dog’s language at the American Music Awards, but Lester was immediately sent to detention for watching “pornographic filth with that Adam Lambert freak.”
McMurtry’s parents were outraged when they learned their honor student son had been sent to Special Ed classes. They filed suit against LISD alleging the high school had virtually destroyed “Our Teddy’s chances of getting into Trinity University. He speaks seven languages fluently. Teddy just chooses to speak a different dialect of English.”
The School Board finally reached a settlement with the McMurtys promising to offer linguistic sensitivity training to students. Karen Sylvester, who speaks to everyone in the same “baby talk” voice she uses to address her cats has been retained to teach the first session.