Kai Lambert's quest to bring upscale comfort food to LaCucaracha appears to have run its course. In the past year, the mysterious owner of Fatty's BBQ has repeatedly raised prices, using every possible gimmick to justify each increase. But after one final gospel brunch ($25) this Sunday, the mercurial eatery will yield to local tastes and return to the same mediocre food and acceptable prices that had been just fine with everybody since 1948.
Lambert had managed similar transitions in Austin and Dallas, most recently at "Mama's Cupboard" in Richardson where he paired all-organic chicken fried chicken ($32) with a champagne toast, served in an authentic chicken's nest. But he surprised the restaurant community by leaving big city pretensions behind for the culinary simplicity of a small town. “I was tired of re-imagining down home food for hipsters,” Lambert said in a 2007 interview. “I knew when I tried to serve meat loaf with a vegan Thai theme, that it was time to get back to basics.”
His move to LaCucaracha followed the untimely but long-anticipated stroke of Freddie Heyworth, who opened Fatty’s BBQ to showcase his mother’s recipes for rationed meat that had sustained the family during World War II. Lambert bought the historic building, and placated locals by continuing to serve Fatty's mainstays to its undiscriminating patrons.
Disapproving reviews began circulating this February when prices at Fatty's went up for the first time in 12 years. Fatty’s regular Buster McClure laments the first time he paid extra for bread. “One day you’re enjoying pork loin in between Wonder Bread like God intended, the next you’re paying like it’s a privilege.”
Soon thereafter it wasn’t just the prices that changed. The menu was transcribed from chalk to stationery, portions shrank, and seasonings never before seen in LaCucaracha began smoking on Fatty’s grill. “I quit going when they stopped letting you pick your own meat, but now I hear they’re rubbing coffee on brisket,” said local rancher Travis Mayfield. “If I wanted that, I’d slaughter my herd in a Starbucks.”
Now that the menu is returning to familiar form, that likely means that poetry slams and trivia nights will also disappear along with the Green Tea Kobe Beef Ribs ($37). In light of this, law enforcement will be canceling its beatnik curfew, but asks that citizens remain vigilant. Art cars are to be reported immediately, and patrons with bicycles or unruly beards should continue to be treated with extreme disdain as per city code.
It’s unclear what prompted Lambert to recant on his aversion to snooty 'cue. Sources at the tax office revealed that Lambert significantly overpaid for the building in the mistaken belief that Fatty's would be annexed into Sintown's extra-territorial marijuana jurisdistriction (ETMJ). Others suggest that Lambert simply came to miss the limelight of his former life, and was desperately wooing a favorable Texas Monthly review in its annual "Prostituting Frontier Culture" issue.
Fred Jenkins, a retired psychology professor from St. Edward's University in Austin, has pointed out that Lambert’s motivations may run even deeper. In his analysis, the use of “culturally incompatible ingredients” demonstrates a mild psychosis he describes as “an unfettered addiction to irony” that is not uncommon among urban restauranteurs and pop culture commentators. Fortunately, according to Jenkins, “the support structure to enable such behavior is somewhat limited in LaCucaracha.”
Or, as Buster McClure put it: “Country ribs stay pure. Coriander lovers go home.”
Article contributed by Andrew Elder
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