Everyone between Amarillo and Brownsville knows the best Mexican food in the state is at the famous Gomez Mexican Food restaurant, right here in LaCucaracha. Sadly, for the Gomez family, their fame will now revolve around more than finely prepared enchiladas and fajitas.
Last night a riot erupted when three employees from Pizza Hut barged in to announce to the restaurant patrons that the burritos they were dining on were not, in fact, prepared by a Gomez but rather by Pizza Hut.
Said Pizza Hut spokesman, Phil Gunderson, “Normally, when we do this there is subdued astonishment from the customers. They’re surprised because they don’t think Pizza Hut can make, say, certain forms of pasta up to the standards of a well reviewed Italian restaurant. You’ve seen our commercials. It’s like that.”
Gunderson went on to say that Pizza Hut was expanding its menu even further and branching out of the pizza and pasta arenas into items such as chicken hot wings and, yes, burritos.
It’s this last item that brought Pizza Hut to LaCucaracha and the Gomez restaurant. Said fourth generation owner and manager of the Gomez restaurant, Santiago Gomez, “They approached us about shooting a commercial and preparing the burritos instead of one of our cooks. We were hesitant until we saw the offer. It seemed like pretty easy money. I didn’t know our customers were quite this loyal to the Gomez name.”
Immediately after the Pizza Hut announcement, life time LaCucaracha resident and thrice weekly Gomez patron, Paul Seyer, launched his plate in the general direction of the Pizza Hut trio and yelled, “No one touches my Double Dillo Bean and Cheese Burrito but a Gomez!” Seyer then charged the Pizza Hut employees with the rest of the dining area immediately following suit. Total chaos erupted despite the fact that both Police Chief Schwartz and Sheriff Welch were eating at the restaurant. In fact, Schwartz had to be pulled off of a Pizza Hut employee by Sheriff Welch. “Well,” said Schwartz, “I got carried away. The thought of Pizza Hut making my burrito…”
Lindsey Duarte survived the melee with only minor scratches and bruises. “It was like one of those soccer riots in Europe,” she said. “People were just hitting whoever was in front of them. There was food everywhere. The floor was just teeth, hair and green chile sauce.”
Deputies Pine and Rodriguez arrived on the scene quickly and dispersed the crowd. Rodriguez was quick to point out that despite the deaths it was not like a soccer riot. “One,” said Rodriguez, “it wasn’t at a stadium. Two, no one was playing soccer. Three, there were no British hooligans present. Unless you count Lance Boone since he’s such a huge Monty Python fan. And four, again, there was nothing remotely like soccer going on in there.”