This past Wednesday Kenny Langdale threw his proverbial hat into the ring for the upcoming mayoral race. During the announcement, Langdale also launched the first salvos toward Mayor “Buddy” Meyer in what promises to be a festival of mud-slinging.
“During Buddy Meyer’s three terms as mayor what has happened to LaCucaracha?” asked Langdale. “I’ll tell you what’s happened. We’ve lost to Sintown three years in a row. We had the worst drought since 1693. The housing market crashed. Wall Street went bankrupt. And there’s a new Pope. You can look it up.”
As with all candidates over the last twenty-two years, Langdale will run as a Republican. He will oppose Meyer in the Republican primary which, as usual, will be the de facto election since the Republican representative will run unopposed on election day (although it’s rumored Teddy “Tree Hugger” Ross will run on the ‘Green Ticket’ but let’s be honest, he doesn’t have a chance).
Langdale never actually laid out a platform for his campaign. Nor did he offer solutions to the problems he blamed Meyer for. He simply blamed Meyer for just about everything under the sun. This did not seem to dampen his supporters enthusiasm as they appeared to really eat it up – as evidenced by the raucous applause and hedonistic screaming. “And global warming,” continued Langdale, “that’s, uh, up too. You can look it up. We’re in two wars. The Sunnis and Shiites still don’t get along. Look it up. Seriously. Oh, and that tsunami that just hit. Who was mayor when that happened? If you don’t know, just look it up. Not only that, but Limp Bizkit got back together. And Creed too. What has Meyer been doing while these atrocities have been going on?”
Mayor Meyer was unavailable for comment. TCR was told he was attending the Armadillo’s practice as a private guest of Coach Bryant.