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Home Local LaCucaracha News Old Man Thinks Everyone Speeds Down His Street

Old Man Thinks Everyone Speeds Down His Street

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Lifetime LaCucaracha resident, Marcus Pearson, believes that everyone driving down his street is “driving like a bat out of hell.”  Pearson is a self-proclaimed expert at gauging the speed and velocity of moving objects – especially automobiles.  He even cites a test of his speed predicting skills given by the sheriff’s department a few years ago.  “Actually,” said Deputy Pine about the testing incident back in 2006, “he was horrible at it.  Not even close on any of the cars that passed.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him though, so I just nodded whenever he’d throw out some preposterous number as a car passed.  He said 85 for a ’91 Geo Metro that passed by.  That was my favorite.”

Deputy Pine’s kindness may have created a monster though.  Pearson has now taken to accosting drivers he thinks are speeding (all of them in reality).  One of his victims, Thomas Morales, had this to say, “The first time he flagged me down he was all nice, like he was doing me a favor.  He said this was a speed trap and cops were always looking around.  But then he told me I was doing close to 60.  Look, I’m no math whiz, but he lives just off a corner, and I was turning off of Moses Austin onto his street so unless I was riding a missile like that cowboy in that old movie there’s no way I was doing 60.  Then, the next time he stops me, he’s all getting in my face.  Telling me he didn’t appreciate me ‘flinging my Italian sports car down his street at the speed of light.’  I’m like, ‘it’s a Ford, dude!’”

Drivers who frequent Moses Austin Street may not have to put up with Pearson’s accusations much longer though.  Pearson now believes he was put on this earth to help law enforcement with his ability to guess the speed of oncoming traffic.  So, he has offered his services to the Texas Department of Public Safety as “the human radar gun.”  Pearson told the TCR, “It’s clear to me I have the built in ability to oscillate an electrical current.  Once that current is disturbed, I also have the ability to measure the Doppler shift, thereby enabling me to know, without a doubt, how fast cars are traveling.  This is a God-given skill and I must put it to good use.  I hope the DPS will have me.”

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