Dear Aunt Muriel:
My sister wants to move in with me while she goes to court reporter school. The problem is that she always tells me what to do and I’m afraid if I let her move in, she will boss me around and that will ruin our relationship. What should I do?
-Concerned in LC
I think this letter is probably from Myra Jackson, am I right? I heard Phyllis was going to try yet another career. Really, she ought to just stick with checking out at the grocery store. I don’t think she’s smart enough to get through court reporter school. You may not know this, but your mother dropped her when she was a baby. Dropped her right on her little head, and she never was the same after that. Listen, just between you and me: that sister of yours is trouble, and you know how people talk in this town. I seem to recall when she was in high school there was that incident with the stuffed mascot, am I right? That was terrible, just terrible. I know it was just your daddy’s friendship with Judge Maxwell that kept it out of the papers. Of course, if you don’t let her stay with you, your mother will have a fit, so you are really in a pickle. Good luck, honey.
Dear Aunt Muriel:
I really love my boyfriend, but he has a history of cheating, and I have trust issues because all my former boyfriends have cheated on me. Now he found an old girlfriend on the internet and plans to look her up on a business trip next month. This makes me nervous, but he says I’m just jealous and insecure. Am I overreacting?
--Cheated on in LC
Honey, don’t waste my time. Of course he’s going to cheat and, of course, you are jealous and insecure. I thought this was a joke at first because the answer is so obvious, but then I got to looking at the handwriting and realized it was Carmen Wilkie. Really, is anyone surprised? Sweetie, I know you have issues, and that’s not just because your daddy was stepping out on your mother, either. Your picker is broke, honey, so I suggest you take some time off from dating, or possibly think about becoming a lesbian for a while. You were on the volleyball team, you know, so it ought to come naturally. Good luck, sweetie, and for heaven’s sake, go get tested for STDs, because that Kevin is a hound dog.