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Home Local LaCucaracha News Organic Rancher, Tree Hugger Have Much In Common, Still Hate Each Other

Organic Rancher, Tree Hugger Have Much In Common, Still Hate Each Other

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Organic cowIn a rare instance of public civility, two of LaCucaracha’s most bitter political enemies reluctantly agreed that they had a few things in common.  In the end, however, this brief agreement did not lead to the softening of either’s feelings toward each other.

The incident occurred last Friday at Guerrero’s House of Tacos when local organic rancher, Kevin Tongate, was discussing the status of his organic beef and veal operation with Guerrero’s owner, Ruben Guerrero.  Unbeknownst to Tongate, standing nearby was his mortal enemy, Teddy “Tree Hugger” Ross (eating a vegetarian taco, of course).  When Tongate mentioned something about his cattle being prohibited from eating anything that had been touched by synthetics, pesticides, herbicides or unnatural fertilizers, Ross found himself involved in the conversation without even knowing it.  “I looked over,” said Guerrero, “and the two of them are going on and on about working with nature rather than forcing their expectations on the land, and no confinement for the animals, and farming and ranching with integrity, and blah, blah, blah.  Frankly, I was getting a little bored.  And they were starting to scare me.  I mean, they were getting real cozy.  I had to break it up, so I’m like, ‘hey, Shields and Yarnell, do I need to get you two tickets to an Adam Lambert show or what?’”

This apparently did the trick, as Tongate and Ross immediately began to antagonize one another as they normally do.  “You know, Tree Hugger,” began Tongate, “on my way over here I picked off a couple of golden cheeked warblers that I think I’ll shish kabob this evening.  I’d invite you over, but you’ll probably be busy practicing protesting by chaining yourself to a blow up doll with the PETA president’s face taped to it.”

“Gee,” said Ross as he and Tongate exited the restaurant, “when will you have time to cook?  I mean, there’s only so much time to drop some Oxycontin, play with your Rush Limbaugh bobble-head doll and forward some bogus emails about Obama’s birth certificate, right?”

And with that things were back to normal.

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