The Lacucaracha City Council unanimously passed a resolution supporting Gov. Perry’s calls for secession. Although the mayor and city council have no jurisdiction or input on whether or not Texas secedes from the US, local lawmakers felt it was important to demonstrate the community’s desire to stand in solidarity with the Governor.
It was a festive occasion on the steps of City Hall when the mayor declared today, “LaCucaracha Secession Day.” Miss Texas was present for the event, and expressed her support of the cause, “I’m just giddy at the idea of being Miss USA… of Texas.”
A formal letter was drawn up and sent to the Governor’s Office outlining some of the benefits:
1. Texas could create jobs and finally secure our borders by hiring thousands of new border guards.
2. Texas high school students will have a better chance being accepted to the University of Texas now that the majority of its students will be required to pay significantly higher international tuition rates.
3. Citizens would no longer have to sing Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to be an American” song at the county fair.
4. GM vehicles manufactured at the Arlington, TX plant would now be considered imports to American consumers, greatly increasing their desirability.
5. The Rockets, Spurs and Mavericks would each have an excellent chance of making it to the TNBA finals every year.
6. Lonestar Beer would still be the National Beer of Texas.
7. Texarkana would now become a hub of international business.
8. No more stimulus money crammed down our throats.
9. Texas could join OPEC (Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries).
10. No more EPA or emissions testing.
Gov. Perry was unavailable for comment.